


Requiem

by caelestisxyz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Assassins & Hitmen, Awkward First Times, Consensual Sex, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kuroo is a hitman, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Tsukishima is the target, cliche but who cares, implied bokuaka, implied iwaoi, sexual awakening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 13:52:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17265368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caelestisxyz/pseuds/caelestisxyz
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou isn't supposed to feel anything. He wasn't designed that way, and yet an uninteresting university student makes him feel everything with barely any effort at all.





	Requiem

**Author's Note:**

> Happy new year! Some of you may be familiar with my old kurotsuki story "Requiem for the Moon". This is a re-imagining of that story. There are a few similarities but it's nothing like the original, honestly. I took the older story down because I really wanted to re-write it. So, that's what this is. This story is going to have only two parts. It's not too dark, but it has it's moments. Just a heads up!

If anyone were to ask Kuroo about his life before the organization, he wouldn’t know what to tell them. Every time he tries to pick through the mess of his mind and string together some semblance of a beginning, he’s met with a large wall of darkness. So, for him, he was nothing before the organization molded him into the man he is today; the killer he is today.

There’s at least twenty of them; all male, all lacking a life before the life they know now. They live in a facility with no windows, isolated from the rest of the world, tucked away like some dirty, shameful secret.

The only time any of them are allowed to leave is if they have a job to complete. Well, unless they’re of a higher rank. There are agents who are responsible for taking out rouges. Rogues are the agents who attempt to leave the facility, abandon the organization. Kuroo has heard stories about what happens to a rogue. He’s done and seen some gruesome things in his lifetime, but nothing compares to what happens to a rogue.

At this moment, Kuroo is in a small, Floridian town, drinking a chocolate malt at a busted down diner, the sweltering heat bearing down on him through the window. Twenty minutes ago, he completed a job. The target had fled Japan and wound up in this godforsaken country, hiding out on an alligator farm. He wasn’t difficult to find. They never are.

Killing him had proved challenging. The man was an ex-marine after all and skilled in combat. They tussled for several minutes, both receiving body shots that would hurt for hours maybe a day or two. For Kuroo, at least. His target was dead, he wouldn’t be feeling a thing. Kuroo ended it with a knife in the man’s jugular. He stayed with him until the end so he could confirm the kill. Immediately afterward, the organization was notified and they instructed Kuroo to wait at the diner until further instructions were given. 

The bell over the diner’s door chimes, signaling the arrival of a new patron. Kuroo doesn’t look up, doesn't have to because he knows who it is. He drinks down the last of his malt and waits.

An elderly man slides into the red, pleather booth across from Kuroo, a bored expression on his face. He waves the waitress over and orders a coffee, no cream, no sugar. When she walks off to grab a mug and a pot of coffee, the man nods at Kuroo.

“You did well, Kuroo-san,” he says without a hint of fondness or pride in his gravelly voice. “We’ll be flying home in a couple of hours.”

“Thank you, Nekomata-sama.”

Nekomata was one of Kuroo’s superiors. He was a seasoned agent who acted as a handler that gave out assignments and cleaned up after failed missions whenever necessary. Currently, he was in Florida shadowing Kuroo to make sure he was functioning as he should. Once a year, they were evaluated. Kuroo doesn’t know what for exactly. He only knows he’s never failed an evaluation.

“Where do I go next?” Kuroo asks, watching Nekomata take a sip of his coffee.

“Tokyo.” Setting the coffee mug aside, he picks up a napkin, taking a pen out of his pocket. He scribbles down a name. “You’ll start as soon we land.”

Kuroo picks up the napkin and reads the name aloud. “Tsukishima Kei.”

“You’ll study him on the flight. Learn everything about him and figure out his daily schedule.”

“How long do I have this time?”

“He’s easy pickings. You’ll have three days.”

Easy pickings was another way of saying the man was not skilled in any form of combat or weaponry. Kuroo will be done with the job in a day. Perhaps half that.

Nekomata pays for his coffee and leaves a nice tip for the waitress. They take an unmarked vehicle to the airport where they board a commercial flight to Japan. During the flight, Kuroo uses the organization’s database to learn everything he can about Tsukishima Kei.

The first thing he learns is that Tsukishima is twenty-two and a university student studying Marine Biology at Meiji. Currently, he works at a bookstore near campus as a part-timer. He has an older brother, a father, and mother who are living in his hometown of Miyagi. Tsukishima was an athlete in high school. From the stats, it looks like he was even good at his chosen sport. Volleyball; a sport Kuroo has never played nor shown any interest in. Truthfully, he’s never engaged in any sports, he’s never needed to.

In a separate browser, Kuroo searches for information on ‘volleyball’ and skims the articles he finds. The game sounds simple, but he’s certain it requires more skill than what’s shown. He watches clips of matches to further appease his curiosity. If for any reason he has to strike up a conversation with Tsukishima, he wants to have something to talk about.

Small details like this are what makes Kuroo one of the best in the organization. He always goes the extra mile.

Feeling satisfied, Kuroo resumes his task of learning about his target. There’s a single photo in the file from when Tsukishima was in high school. It’s strange that he can’t find anything recent.

Stoic expression, blond hair, and glasses, that pretty much sums up Tsukishima Kei.

Kuroo stares at the photo for some time, etching every line and curve of Tsukishima’s face to his memory. If they cross paths on the streets of Tokyo, Kuroo doesn't want to second guess if it's Tsukishima or not. He wants to be prepared for any and everything. When he powers down his laptop hours later and falls asleep, he can still see Tsukishima’s disinterested face.

* * *

“Hello, welcome to Author Attic. Is there anything I can help you with?”

He doesn’t sound the way Kuroo imagined. His voice isn’t as unemotional and cold as he expected. It’s soft, eloquent. His stoic expression is nowhere to be found. In fact, he seems happy to be here, surrounded by books and a scattering of people.

Kuroo reminds himself to smile. He spent fifteen minutes of his morning practicing his smile. If it looks like he thinks it does then he comes off as warm and friendly.

“Yes, I’m looking for a certain book,” Kuroo says.

“What’s the name of the book?” Tsukishima smiles, but there’s something in his eyes. It’s like he’s waiting to judge Kuroo for his taste in books.

“Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel.”

Tsukishima seems surprised. “That’s a good book.” He wrinkles his nose slightly, eyebrows furrowing as he thinks. “I’m not sure if we have any more copies left, but I can check our system. Follow me.”

Kuroo hesitates because he’s still trying to wrap his head around the expression Tsukishima made. He’s intrigued by it, but he isn’t sure why. Like most things that confuse him, he files the detail away for later when he can break it apart and analyze it. 

“While I wait, do you have any suggestions?” Kuroo asks. They’re at the front counter, standing on either side.

“What’s your favorite genre?” Tsukishima asks, keeping his eyes on the computer screen.

“I’m not sure.” It’s the truth. Kuroo enjoys books, but he’s only allowed to read certain ones and the genres vary. “How about you surprise me?” He tries the smile again and feels satisfaction when Tsukishima peeks at him over the monitor to witness it.

Tsukishima considers Kuroo, his golden eyes scrutinizing. For a brief moment, Kuroo wonders if Tsukishima is suspicious of him. He doesn’t appear to be, but there’s something in his eyes that speak of how cautious he is around new people. He’s wise to be like that. Kuroo finds himself oddly proud of Tsukishima for being wary. The feeling doesn’t linger. 

“I just finished The Song of Achilles and I’m still not over it.” Tsukishima bends down, disappearing behind the desk. Seconds later, he pops back up with a book. “Here, this is my copy. If it seems interesting I’ll ring you up.”

Kuroo takes the book and immediately notices the colorful sticky notes poking out. Again, he feels strange. He doesn’t understand why, but he...likes this small detail. He can feel Tsukishima’s eyes on him, waiting to gauge his reaction to the book’s summary. From one glance, Kuroo knows this is one of the books the organization would ban, and he isn’t sure why that’s the case. It seems like a nice enough book. But he knows they wouldn't want him reading this. 

“Sure, I’ll give it a read,” Kuroo says. He’s tempted to flip through the pages and read the little notes Tsukishima left, but he doesn’t. “Thanks for the suggestion.” He hands the book back.

“No problem.” Tsukishima takes his book. “Sorry, we don’t have a copy of Station Eleven currently. I could see if another store in the area has it.”

“Don’t worry about it. I think I’ll just get the book you suggested.”

“I’ll ring you up then.”

Tsukishima instructs Kuroo to wait at the counter while he retrieves the book. While he waits, Kuroo thinks of the different ways to carry out his mission. Smothering him seems like the easiest route. But that would take longer than Kuroo would prefer. Slitting Tsukishima’s throat is too messy, and from their short interaction, he’s decided he doesn’t want to make Tsukishima’s death painful or gruesome. He only reserves that for terrible people.

Although, there are plenty of people who would call Kuroo a terrible person. He kills indiscriminately. Whoever he’s ordered to kill, that’s who he kills, no questions asked.

That makes him terrible, right?

“Here you go,” Tsukishima hands Kuroo the book. “You’re lucky. This was the last copy. We’re always low on books ‘cause we’re independently funded.”

“Lucky me,” he says.

Tsukishima gives him another one of his “looks” but says nothing as he punches in the book’s information into the computer. He gives Kuroo the price and offers him a bag after the man pays. Kuroo doesn’t take the bag.

“Thank you…” Kuroo pretends to read Tsukishima’s name tag. “Tsukishima-san.”

“I can’t find anyone else who’ll read the book because they pretty much know how it’ll end. You wouldn’t mind coming back here after you’ve read it to tell me what you thought of it, would you? I'm here most days around the same time." 

It’s a question he isn’t prepared for. Kuroo only came in the bookstore to determine if Tsukishima was really easy pickings, and he’d confirmed what Nekomata told him. The man wouldn’t be any trouble. But now Tsukishima is asking him to maintain further contact. Kuroo knows that’s impossible yet he can’t outright say it. But he shouldn't make any promises, either. He's not a cruel person. He knows Tsukishima will be dead before tomorrow. There's no purpose in lying to him. 

“I’m visiting,” Kuroo blurts out. At the same time, his brain short-circuits because he can’t understand why he just said that. “I’ll only be in town for three days. If I finish it before then, I’ll stop by again.”

What in the hell is he saying?

Tsukishima seems disappointed. What exactly he’s disappointed about is unknown. “I see.” He bites his lip, a gesture Kuroo has seen a handful of times from mostly women who’ve tried soliciting his affection. They never made him feel the way he does right now. “Well, it was nice meeting you…?”

“The feeling is mutual." 

“I was asking for your name,” he says, annoyed that he has to outright ask it all because Kuroo didn’t pick up on the hint.

“Oh, sorry. My name is Kuroo.”

“That’s it? No first name?”

Kuroo knows he has a first name. But he doesn’t use it as often so it takes a while for the name to form on his tongue. “Tetsurou,” he says, the name sounds strange, foreign, like someone else’s name. “Kuroo Tetsurou.”

He's never had to use a fake name. The target is usually dead soon after meeting him, canceling out any formalities. It's not like there are any records on him so his real name can't hurt.

“I hope to see you soon, Kuroo Tetsurou.” Tsukishima smiles softly, almost shyly, and then he walks off to help a customer that just walked in.

The walk to Kuroo's hotel is spent replaying everything from their initial meeting, the peculiar happenings in between, and their departure. Picking every, single detail apart, he analyzes it, contemplates the meaning behind every gesture and facial expression. Nothing out of the ordinary stands out. He doesn't think he gained anything more than what he set out to accomplish from their encounter. Although, there are new facial expressions to add to his mental catalog. Once Tsukishima is dead, he'll adopt them and use them for other assignments. 

He decides to kill Tsukishima tonight, and get it over with. In the meantime, Kuroo sits at the desk in his hotel room and reads the book he purchased to pass the time.

* * *

By the time he decides to leave his room and head to Tsukishima’s apartment, Kuroo is nearly done with the book. He’s always been a fast reader, and the book is fairly good so that helps a lot. There’s a lot of questions he has about the plot that online research can’t answer.

Kuroo understands what’s happening between the two main characters. Somewhat. He knows about romantic attachments between humans. But he’s never experienced anything like it so he can’t quite comprehend the struggles the characters are facing. If he were in Achilles’s shoes, he would just kill Patroclus and free himself from the burden and avoid his doomed fate. 

Simple. It’s all very simple. 

Breaking into Tsukishima’s apartment is another simple thing. Kuroo manages to slip through the door and creep into the one bedroom unit soundlessly. He removes his shoes and hides them under the couch so they’re not out in the open, just in case Tsukishima wakes up. Thankfully, there’s no pets present. Kuroo may be a heartless killer, but he doesn’t harm animals. He would go so far as to say he’s fond of them, but he isn’t sure what that means; to be fond of something.

Tsukishima’s bedroom, much like his entire apartment, is neat, minimal in decoration and personal identifiers. There are no photos of family or friends hanging on the walls or sitting on the nightstand in a nice frame. It reminds Kuroo of his own room back at the facility.

However, Tsukishima’s room feels more _alive,_ lived in. The colors of his walls are warm, inviting, and the lingering aroma of a linen scented candle makes the room feel homey. Absently, Kuroo wonders what it would feel like to sleep in a room like this. When he sees Tsukishima, wrapped tightly in his comforter, only the top of his head poking out, he wonders what it would be like to sleep in the same bed as Tsukishima.  He’s never shared a bed with anyone. He knows it’s something a lot of people do. Some even find it enjoyable.

Kuroo's tempted to lie on the empty side of Tsukishima's bed just to see what it's like. Maybe he'll kill him first and then do it. The human body is still warm after death, if only for a little while. He wouldn't need that much time. Suddenly, Tsukishima rustles under the cover. Kuroo drops to the floor effortless like an agile cat. Using his elbows, he slowly crawls to the side of the bed opposite of where Tsukishima is laying.

He’s decided to smother Tsukishima in his sleep. It’s the most harmless method he can think of. It won’t be as quick as he’d like but it’ll get the job done. Had he known he would've been aversed to using a knife or gun, he would've picked up some poison. It's of no significance now. 

As he looms over Tsukishima, he notices how more of the man’s face is exposed. Tsukishima doesn’t look the same way he did in his high school photo. His face isn’t as round and his shoulders are broader, there’s more muscle on him. He’s still slender, though, smaller than Kuroo.

Moonlight dips through the blinds, dancing on Tsukishima's skin every time the wind blows too hard outside. He didn’t notice this before, but Tsukishima’s eyelashes are a lighter shade of blond than his hair. They’re thick, full and curled slightly like a porcelain's doll. 

There’s a part in the book where one character watches the other sleep with fascination and yearning. At the time, Kuroo didn’t understand the appeal. He’s watched people in their sleep before. Never like this. Never for longer than the time it takes for him to lodge a knife in their throat or fill their body with bullets.

Tsukishima is mumbling in his sleep, his placid expression turning sour. Maybe he can sense Kuroo in his sleep. No, that isn’t it. Tsukishima is saying a name that Kuroo can’t make out. He thinks about moving closer so he can hear better.

A low cry halts Kuroo’s steps.

“Please...don’t do...no…” Tsukishima cries, his head turning from side to side as if he were fighting off an unseen force. “I...I’m sorry…”

Kuroo’s hand reaches forward without his brain giving the command. He seeks to comfort, to soothe. He doesn't know how to do either of those things. His brain short-circuits once again in a single day. When he realizes this, and it snaps him out of his trance. He grabs his own arm, forcing himself to stop.

“No...don't…” Tsukishima’s nightmare continues.

It’s not a good time to carry out the assignment, Kuroo decides.If he kills Tsukishima now, the last thing on his mind will be whatever nightmare he's having. Keeping his eyes on Tsukishima, he steps away from the bed, out of the room. When he’s out the door, he turns around and walks to the den where his shoes are.

Kuroo doesn’t run out of the building. He briskly walks away. He isn’t running from his task. He just needs to regroup. That’s all. 

* * *

“You finished it all in one day?” Tsukishima seems impressed. He crosses his arms and leans against one of the many bookshelves lining the wall. “Well, what did you think of it?”

Kuroo stuffs his hands in his pockets; a gesture that he picked up from a guy he killed years ago. “I’m still not sure to be very honest. I understand they were good friends, but Achilles’ reaction to Patroclus’ death seemed overdramatic.”

Tsukishima’s eyes widen. Seconds later, he’s shaking with laughter. “You….you think they were friends? Just friends?”

“Am I missing something?” Kuroo asks. “There were some romantic feelings but they never explored them.”

“You’re serious? Wow, you’re either fiercely heterosexual or dense as hell.”

Kuroo’s never given his sexual orientation any thought. He’s never had to. What purpose would it serve? Humans are weakened by their attachments to others. That much is evident in the book they’re currently discussing. Sex, love, friendship are all distractions.

“Could you help me better understand their relationship?” Kuroo asks if only to prolong their encounter and learn more about the target.

Tsukishima is no longer laughing, but he’s obviously amused. It’s more preferable than the expression he wore last night during his nightmare. “My shift ends in an hour. We can meet at Verve, the coffee shop. It’s a block away.”

“I’ll be waiting." 

Kuroo leaves the bookstore and uses his phone’s GPS to find the coffee shop. This isn’t a part of the protocol. He’s never had to interact with the target for longer than necessary. There’s nothing necessary about meeting Tsukishima Kei at a coffee shop to discuss a frustrating book.

Frustrated. That’s how Kuroo is feeling. All this time he’s tried to put a name to the emotion that plagued him. He’s frustrated about everything from the assignment to Tsukishima’s laugh.

At the coffee shop, he’s greeted by at least three employees simultaneously and it’s the most unnerving thing. Bypassing the register, he finds a two-seater table near the back of the shop, away from the windows and close to the bathroom just in case he needs a discreet place to kill Tsukishima. Eventually, Kuroo orders himself a coffee to get the barista to stop reminding him of the shop’s ‘no loitering’ policy.

Forty minutes have passed when he receives a text message from Nekomata.

_> >Your next assignment is ready. Check in as soon as you’re done in Tokyo._

That’s when it hits Kuroo. The reason why he’s having a difficult time completing this assignment is that this is the first time he’s been ordered to kill a harmless university student, a harmless person in general. Prior to Tsukishima, all of his targets were high-level mob bosses, drug lords, and shady politicians. Evil men who were a stain on society.

What did Tsukishima Kei do to deserve a price on his head? As soon as the thought manifests, Kuroo reprimands himself. It’s not his place to ask. He doesn’t have a right to question the assignments he’s given. For all he knows, Tsukishima has done something fucked up enough to warrant a hit on him. Then again, if that were the case, he would've seen it in Tsukishima's file. 

“You only ordered something for yourself? Wow,” Tsukishima says when he walks up to the table wearing a crossover, canvas bag with an unknown rock band on the front and a simple t-shirt and jeans. “I need caffeine. Do you need anything?”

Kuroo didn’t realize he’d been out of it for nearly thirty minutes. He searches his mind for the necessary facial expression. Coming up short, he settles for his standard face.

“Sorry, I couldn’t wait. And, no thank you. I’m good.”

Tsukishima takes his bag off and sets it on the table. “I’ll be back.” He pauses. “Steal my stuff and I’ll flay you.” Then he walks off.

Kuroo watches him leave. It’s the first time he’s taken Tsukishima’s height into consideration. He’s taller than Kuroo which is saying a lot because Kuroo is taller than a lot of people. What if Tsukishima really tried to flay him? They’d have a fight first to see who could come out on top. Admittedly, Kuroo enjoys tussling. It's an adrenaline high like no other for him. Back at the facility, he spars with another agent whenever they have the time. Bokuto isn’t near Tsukishima’s height. He’s average height and stocky, pure muscle. What would it be like to spar with someone taller than him? Kuroo finds the possibilities exciting. But if he were to spar with Tsukishima he'd end up hurting him or killing him by mistake. 

Several minutes later, Tsukishima is back with a latte in tow. Kuroo watches him take the top off, and slurp the whipped cream. He licks his lips when he’s done.

“So, you think they’re what...straight besties?” Tsukishima asks in regard to the book. “You do know they had sex several times throughout the story.”

Kuroo almost forgot why they were here. He takes his eyes off Tsukishima’s moist lips. “I’m aware there was some touching involved but I wasn’t aware of anything sexual.”

Tsukishima looks as if Kuroo has grown a second head right there in front of him. “Can I ask you a personal question? You don’t have to answer.”

“Go ahead." 

“Are you homophobic?”

Kuroo answers as honestly as he can considering he's never given it any thought. “No, I’m not homophobic.” 

“What’s your sexual orientation?” Tsukishima asks. “Normally, I wouldn’t ask anyone I’ve just met this, but I have got to know why you misinterpreted their relationship when millions who’ve read the book understood it for what it was.”

His sexual orientation. What is his sexual orientation? Kuroo has no idea. And that’s exactly what he says.

Tsukishima is leaning forward, his chin resting on his palm. “If I was interested, would you go on a date with me?” He’s smiling, seeming completely at ease, but there’s uncertainty in his eyes.

“I would,” Kuroo says. Dates are just social outings. They’re practically on a date now. “That’s if you were interested.” 

“I'm interested.”

“You are?” Kuroo is yet again taken by surprise. “Why? I won’t be in town for long.” He says the last part as an afterthought.

“I know, that’s why I’m being way more forward than usual.” Tsukishima allows a bit of his uncertainty to show, his confident smile fading. “I understand if you’re not really  interested, though." 

Kuroo’s actions are no longer his own, he’s convinced because the next thing that comes out of his mouth isn’t conceived from his own thoughts. There has to be an uninvited entity residing inside of him. It’s the only explanation.

“What did you have in mind?” Kuroo asks. “For the date." 

Tsukishima smiles. “I think I have something in mind. We could go tonight if that’s okay.”

“Tonight sounds good.” Kuroo doesn’t have any plans. It’s not like he has a very important job to do or anything. “We should exchange numbers.”

Kuroo already knows Tsukishima’s phone number, by heart, but he never saved it so when Tsukishima puts his number into his phone, nothing pops up. It would’ve been awkward and hard to explain his way out of that if anything did.

“Was there anything you liked about the book?” Tsukishima asks after pocketing his phone.

“I enjoyed a lot about it. The mythology aspect mostly.”

“Of course, you enjoyed the mythology.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Kuroo doesn’t realize he’s smiling until he sees his reflection in Tsukishima’s glasses. It gives him pause.

This smile isn’t stolen. It’s his own smile. 

Tsukishima notices the change in Kuroo’s demeanor. “I’m just teasing you.” He sits back, moving out of Kuroo’s space. “I should get going. I have a lot of homework to do. And a date to get ready for." 

Kuroo nods. "Okay, guess I'll see you later." 

“I’ll be sure to text you the details." Tsukishima puts his bag over his shoulders and picks up his cup as he gets out his chair. "See you later, Kuroo-san.”

“I'm looking forward to it." 

* * *

 “ _What does a date consist of?_ ” Kuroo types into the search engine. He’s back in his hotel room, sitting on the edge of his bed, his laptop resting on his lap.

Plenty of results show up. Mainly articles that give tips on places to take a person on a date, gifts to give, and there’s a list of do’s and don’ts. One of the links he clicks on has a photo of a man and woman kissing. Kuroo stares at the picture, tilting his head from side to side to figure out the mechanics of it. With no luck, he scrolls down and skims the article.

 _-Don’t talk about previous relationships_  
_-Don’t force the chemistry_  
_-Don’t try to dig for too much information_  
_-Do put your phone away_  
_-Do break the touch barrier_

Kuroo thinks of writing the list down, but even he knows that’s a bad move. He spends the next couple of minutes memorizing the list. All the suggestions seem easy enough, minus the last one. He isn’t sure he knows how to break the touch barrier. Should he just hold Tsukishima’s hand or maybe touch his hair? 

Setting his laptop aside, Kuroo stands up and walks over to the full body mirror hanging on the wall. Staring at his reflection, he slowly brings his hand up to touch the nape of his neck where his hair is its finest. Initially, his touch is brusque and he mistakenly tugs on his hair.

It’s not a good feeling. He doesn’t think Tsukishima will like that all. So, he adjusts, his touch becomes lighter, feather-like, the tips of his fingers ghost over the nape of his neck. Unbiddenly, his eyes close, and he imagines touching Tsukishima like this. He’ll pretend it was an accident, but persist if Tsukishima seems fine with it. He imagines kissing Tsukishima, like the man and woman in the picture, like they do in the movies. 

Without realizing it, he's slowly moving forward, only stopping when his lips touch the cool glass of the mirror. Kuroo’s eyes snap open. Gasping, he stares at his reflection, wide-eyed, mouth partially over. He’s losing it. He’s losing his grip on things. Stepping away from the mirror, he walks to the bathroom, undressing along the way.

Turning the shower on, making sure the water is cold, he steps inside, his hands settling on the granite walls. Kuroo keeps his head lowered, his eyes blankly watching the water swirl and disappear down the drain, until his heart rate returns to normal. 

“Focus on the mission,” Kuroo mutters to himself, voice empty and robotic. “Kill Tsukishima Kei. Report to Nekomata-sama. Begin your new assignment.”

When Kuroo steps out the shower, several minutes later, his resolve is restored. He’s going to kill Tsukishima Kei tonight. But he won’t smother him as he initially planned. It doesn’t require as much contact as Kuroo would like. After watching Tsukishima sleep, he’s curious to know if he’s as soft as he looks. That's why he's having these thoughts about kissing. He’ll strangle Tsukishima. That way he can kill two birds with one stone.

Carry out his mission and sate his curiosity. Then that will be the end of it. 

* * *

Hours later, Kuroo meets Tsukishima at the front gates of a large park downtown for their date. Tsukishima is dressed in olive green pants, a large white and black pullover, and hightop vans. His canvas bag is hanging on his shoulder, noticeably fuller than it was earlier. Kuroo feels underwhelming in his black jeans and black turtleneck, but Tsukishima looks at him like he’s pleased with his appearance.

“I hope you like cheesy movies,” Tsukishima says as they walk through the gates where a small table is set up. A woman is there selling tickets.

“As long as they’re good movies, I don’t mind.”

After they purchase their tickets; Tsukishima pays for them, they find a spot on the green lawn where several other people, mostly couples are already seated on picnic blankets. Kuroo glances around, trying to think of a way to obtain a blanket for them. Had he known they would require one, he would have brought something.

“We’re good,” Tsukishima says, taking a rolled up blanket out of his bag. It’s purple and soft from the looks of it.

Kuroo helps Tsukishima lay the blanket down. Once they’re seated, Tsukishima digs into his bag and takes out two water bottles, a few canned sodas, popcorn and bags of candy. There’s so much of it. How did he fit all of this in his bag is a mystery Kuroo will never solve.

“I wasn’t sure what kind of snacks you liked so I just grabbed a bunch of stuff.” Tsukishima picks up a colorful bag. “These are my favorite.”

“I like sour gummy worms too.” At least Kuroo assumes he does. “Thank you for the snacks.”

Tsukishima shrugs. “It’s no problem.”

There’s an outdoor movie screen facing the crowd. Kuroo understands now that they’re going to watch a movie; Tsukishima’s earlier comment doesn’t make sense until now.

“What movie are we going to watch?” Kuroo asks.

“Have you ever seen My Rainy Days? It’s a cheesefest.”

“Cheesefest…” Kuroo isn’t sure he understands.

“Yeah, it’s a romance drama. Bad acting and very cliche.”

“You don’t sound like you enjoy this movie at all.”

“Oh, I love it.” Tsukishima smiles. “It’s one of my faves. Well, on my cheesy movies list it is, but don’t judge me I have good taste in movies outside of this.”

How strange, Kuroo thinks. Tsukishima often says one thing, but his emotions are at odds with what he says. Just like how he seems happy and upbeat right now yet there’s apprehension as well. It shows in his eyes. Kuroo can sense a kind of sadness in their depths, the same way one knows the ocean is deep without having to leap overboard and test it. It shows in Tsukishima’s posture, too. He’s so closed off.

Kuroo takes his own posture into consideration. He’s sitting as if he’s prepared to make a run for it at any moment. When he realizes this, he tries to relax into a casual sitting position, mimicking the people he’s seen around the park.

Despite Kuroo’s change in demeanor, Tsukishima still looks uncomfortable.

“How was the rest of your day?” Kuroo asks.

“It was fine,” Tsukishima says. It’s a lie. Kuroo doesn’t say anything, though. “I got a lot of homework done.”

“Classes going okay?”

“Are classes ever okay,” he laughs, it’s forced. “You understand the struggle, don’t you?”

“I’m not a student.”

“Graduated or never went?”

“Graduated. Now I work,” Kuroo says. “Actually, I’m here on business.”

“You used to understand the struggle then. What do you do?”

 _Murders and executions_ is what Kuroo thinks. “Mergers and acquisitions,” is what he says.

The chatter around them dies down, the outdoor lights are turned off as the movie screen powers on, bathing everyone in a shining, white light. Kuroo catches Tsukishima’s profile in that light before it fades and turns into a softer hue. The first word that comes to mind is, beautiful.

“Sounds exciting,” Tsukishima says, keeping his eyes forward. “Don’t tell me you’re usually wearing a suit.”

“I am. Do you not like suits?”

Tsukishima smirks. “I wouldn’t say that.” He looks at Kuroo, his eyes holding a hidden meaning. But then the look is gone. “ If you hate the movie you can’t give me crap about it. I did warn you it was cheesy.”

“I’m sure I’ll like it since you like it.”

Tsukishima doesn’t reply, but he’s smiling. When the movie starts, their conversation is put on hold. Kuroo busies himself with tasting the different candy. He likes all of it. Although it may seem as if he’s mindless indulging on sweets, he’s fully alert, his eyes discreetly scanning the area, familiarizing himself with the nearby faces. He checks for possible escape routes in the area. There’s only two.

A low chuckle interrupts Kuroo’s thoughts. Soon the chuckle is followed by a laugh, and around them, other people are laughing, as well. Kuroo assumes something funny just happened in the movie. Instead of looking at the screen to verify, he watches how Tsukishima’s eyes crinkle ever so slightly. Kuroo watches Tsukishima more than he watches the film. Whenever Tsukishima laughs or mutters something to himself, Kuroo hangs onto the sound.

As the movie takes a more serious note, Kuroo notices that Tsukishima has moved closer to him, their shoulders nearly touching. Kuroo can smell the man’s shampoo. It’s subtle, not overpowering like most people’s. There’s a hint of sweetness. Perhaps even something citrusy.

Before he realizes it, his nose is pressed to the side of Tsukishima’s head. Tsukishima stiffens and so does Kuroo. He waits for Tsukishima to push him away because he isn’t sure if he can move on his own. But that doesn’t happen.

With a quiet sigh, Tsukishima relaxes against him. An unending stretch of time seems to pass before life fills Kuroo’s limbs again and he’s no longer sitting there like a wooden plank. He inhales the scent of Tsukishima’s hair freely. The movie continues to play, and he can't be bothered because he’s currently obsessed with pinpointing the fragrance.

“Raspberry sorbet,” Tsukishima says, answering Kuroo’s unspoken question. “Now stop sniffing me and watch the movie.”

Kuroo immediately feels flustered. “Sorry,” he says automatically. “You just smell really nice.”

Tsukishima snorts. “Thanks, I take showers.”

This is sarcasm, right? Kuroo is a little familiar with sarcasm. He laughs and attempts to try it out.

“Oh, that’s what it is. I thought it was your pheromones.”

“What are you? A furry?”

Kuroo refrains from explaining that humans also have pheromones because he suspects Tsukishima is well aware of this. The man is intelligent; his test scores and grades say so. But what Kuroo can’t avoid is admitting his ignorance of the term “furry”.

“A furry,” Tsukishima says again like repeating it will explain everything. When Kuroo doesn’t seem to get it, he tilts his head up, staring at Kuroo. “Furries are...tell you what, just look it up when you get home.”

“I will.” Kuroo makes a mental note.

Tsukishima laughs at how serious Kuroo is taking this. “You’re so weird,” he mumbles, focusing his attention on the movie again.

He’s doing it again, Kuroo thinks. Saying things he doesn’t really mean. Tsukishima is the weird one, but he doesn’t tell him that.

Kuroo pays attention the remaining forty minutes of the movie. During it, he begins to feel the same way he felt while reading the frustrating book. He feels compacted like he’s stuffed inside a small suitcase. He feels uncomfortably stuffy. Having Tsukishima so close isn’t helping either. If anything, it’s making him feel worse.

Thankfully, the movie ends soon. As the credits are rolling, people are starting to pack up their blankets and fold-out chairs. Tsukishima doesn’t budge. He’s still staring at the screen.

“I like this song,” Tsukishima says.

He looks so content right now that Kuroo sets his discomfort aside and patiently waits until the credits have finished rolling. It’s not the first time he’s had to endure. At least this time his company is way more enjoyable.

“How bad was it?” They’re walking out of the park, down the sidewalk, side by side. “You can be honest,” Tsukishima says.

“I don’t think it was bad. There were parts I didn’t understand, however.”

“Why am I not surprised.” Tsukishima sounds annoyed but he’s smiling. “What parts were those?”

Kuroo can only recall the parts he actually saw. “She fell in love with him...just by looking at him. That’s strange.”

“I can agree with that.”

They were walking with no destination in mind. Normally to walk without a purpose or destination would unnerve Kuroo, but he’s too distracted by how easy it is to be around Tsukishima.

“The same happened in that book,” Kuroo says. “But you didn’t find that strange.”

“Their relationship was way more fleshed out. There may have been interest at first sight. The love came later, though. It took time.”

“Interest at first sight? How can you know if you’re interested in a person just by looking at them?”

Tsukishima stops walking. He just stares at Kuroo. “You do know that’s exactly why we’re on this date, right? Because we’re interested in one another.” He frowns. “So, you’re dense, not heterosexual. I can deal with that, I guess.”

Kuroo isn’t sure why, but he’s enjoying himself. “I’m not dense. I think I’m pretty perceptive.”

“If you say that about yourself 9/10 it’s a lie.” Tsukishima chuckles. Glancing around, he seems to be thinking something over. “You leave tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yes, tomorrow night.”

“Hm. Would you like to come over to my place?” A pause. “Right now.”

That’s been the plan all night; follow Tsukishima home and complete the mission. Conveniently enough, he’s being invited. This makes things easier.

“Sure.”

“It’s not close so we’ll have to take a cab.”

Kuroo flags down the cab for them. He knows Tsukishima’s address, but he’s silent when Tsukishima gives it to the driver. During the ride, Tsukishima is sitting close, and showing Kuroo things on his phone. The first thing is the urban dictionary definition of a furry.

“That’s...wow,” is all Kuroo can say.

Tsukishima laughs at his response. Then he shows Kuroo other things, things he calls memes. Most of them aren’t funny. Kuroo thinks that’s just because he isn’t as versed in pop culture. But there is a handful that he finds humorous.

Kuroo pays the cab fare when they arrive at Tsukishima’s building. The apartment is the same as it was the night Kuroo broke in. But he's sure to school his features to make it seem like this is his first time here. They leave their shoes by the door and walk into the living room.

“You drink beer?” Tsukishima asks.

“Yes.” He doesn’t. He shouldn’t.

“I’ll be back. Make yourself comfortable.”

Kuroo sits on the low couch rather awkwardly. He’s a guest in his target’s home, and he isn’t sure how to behave. The most logical thing is to act natural. Whatever the hell that means.

One thing that’s really bothering Kuroo is Tsukishima’s carelessness. Inviting a stranger into his home, leaving that stranger unattended. He’s not acting like someone who has a hit out on him. Kuroo’s targets in the past have always tried to lay low, change their identities, or something to protect themselves. Tsukishima doesn’t even have a dog.

He’s completely defenseless.

Easy pickings, that’s how Nekomata described him. Kuroo concludes that Tsukishima has no idea that someone wants him dead. That realization only serves to make Kuroo’s job all the more difficult.

In the past, the men he’s killed have been deserving of it and they know it. That’s why they tried to hide and run away. Tsukishima is out here, like a lamb being blindly led to slaughter. A person like Tsukishima deserves a boring, peaceful, death. A fitting end to match his life. Kuroo feels sick. Doesn't Tsukishima deserve to know why someone wants him dead? Doesn't Tsukishima deserve to live?

The last question isn't supposed to exist, let alone appear inside Kuroo's mind. Death has no favorites and neither should Kuroo.

“Mind if I play some music?” Tsukishima walks out of the kitchen holding four, cold beers. He’s no longer wearing his glasses.

“Not at all.” Kuroo takes the beer he’s offered.

Tsukishima sets the other three glasses on the coffee table. Then he walks over to the small speaker that sits on the entertainment stand. Turning it on, he syncs it with his phone. An unfamiliar song plays quietly in the background. Tsukishima takes a seat on the couch next to Kuroo.

“Thanks for the beer,” Kuroo says. He takes a sip, decides he hates it, but keeps drinking.

Tsukishima doesn’t reply, he’s too busy gulping, no, swallowing his beer down. Half of the liquid has disappeared in a matter of seconds. He takes a breath and then drinks the rest.

Kuroo finds it’s a little terrifying.

“Where are you from originally?” Tsukishima asks as he reaches for another beer. He’s clearly nervous about something.

“I don’t know.”

Tsukishima pauses, holding the bottle up to his lips. “You don’t know?”

“I’m an orphan,” Kuroo explains. “I don’t have any memory of my childhood or my biological parents.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that.”

“What about you? Were you born in Tokyo?”

Taking a sip of his beer, Tsukishima stalls. “No, I moved here from Kyoto.” He takes another swig of his beer.

That’s a lie.

Kuroo pretends not to know any better. He drinks more of his beer, discovering that if he chugs it down like Tsukishima is doing the taste won’t bother him as much. They sit in silence for several moments, only the lo-fi instrumentals filling the space.

After his second beer, Tsukishima’s body language and overall mood take a drastic turn. Somehow, without Kuroo noticing, the man has scooted closer to him, their thighs touching. The contact is minimum yet Kuroo’s body is beginning to feel like it did at the park earlier, the way it felt that night he sat in his hotel room reading the frustrating book.

“Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima says, voice hesitant, “may I kiss you?”

It would be madness to indulge; a potential nightmare. Kuroo can feel himself swallow thickly, he can feel his palms begin to sweat, and his heartbeat accelerate. But it all feels secondhand. It’s like he’s taking a backseat in his own body, allowing someone else to take the wheel. Even when he gives Tsukishima his consent, his voice doesn’t sound like his own. Tsukishima takes the half-full bottle of beer from Kuroo’s hand, setting it on the coffee table. Then he stands up.

Kuroo is wondering if they can only kiss while standing when Tsukishima startles him by sitting on his lap.

“Is this fine?” Tsukishima asks, circling his arms around Kuroo’s neck.

Kuroo nods.

This close, he can see Tsukishima’s eyelashes clearly, the fullness and vibrancy of them. They rest on his high cheekbones, that is a noticeable shade of red when he closes his eyes and leans in. Kuroo isn’t sure what he expected a kiss to be like. He only knows this exceeds any expectations he might’ve conceived. Tsukishima’s lips are still damp from the beer, making it easier for their lips to slot together. Kuroo isn’t sure what to do so he follows Tsukishima’s lead as best he can. So far, he thinks he’s doing a decent job. They’re only pressing their lips together, and sampling each other’s taste, but it feels like so much more than that.

“Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima whispers, his lips hovering over Kuroo’s parted mouth, “touch me.”

This entire time, Kuroo’s hands have been on the couch, unsure of how to proceed. These hands were made for killing, not whatever it is Tsukishima requires of them. Kuroo isn’t supposed to be kissing Tsukishima but here he is. He figures it’s too late to back down now.

Tsukishima resumes the kiss once Kuroo’s hands begin to glide up his back, all the way to his shoulders and back down again. On the third, or maybe fourth time— it's difficult to keep up— his fingers slip under Tsukishima’s skin, giving them both the contact they were looking for.

“Soft,” Kuroo mutters without trying to.

Tsukishima laughs in his mouth, his body shaking a little. “God, you’re so weird.” He kisses Kuroo’s cheek, and then his chin. “I really like you Kuroo-san.”

Kuroo’s hands still on Tsukishima’s back. He’s speechless.

“I was unsure about inviting you over or asking you on a date in the first place.” As he speaks, his fingers are playing with the hairs at the nape of Kuroo’s neck. Having Tsukishima do this feels better than when Kuroo did it himself. “I know this is fucking cliche, but I’ve never done anything like this before. Inviting guys I just met over and dry humping them on the couch isn’t exactly my style.”

“Then why?” Kuroo asks, his curiosity winning. “What made you want to invite me over?”

“You’re nice and you have good taste in books. I guess you’re kinda hot too. And I’ve been so lonely lately. I’m here, in this new city, alone and sometimes it just gets to me…" Tsukishima blinks. "I’m sorry for rambling. I swear I'm not normally like this. Holy shit...”

Unconsciously, Kuroo tucks a short piece of hair behind Tsukishima’s ears. “You don’t have to apologize.” His hand moves to cup the man’s cheek. 

Are these his actions or the actions of others? Kuroo isn't sure. It just feels right. 

“I want you in my bed,” Tsukishima says. “Is that okay with you?”

If Kuroo was more experienced, he would already have an idea of exactly where things were going. Unfortunately, he doesn't know jack shit about shit, so he agrees to join Tsukishima. He’s only thinking about how just the other night, he wanted to know what it’d be like to sleep in the same bed as Tsukishima and how he was going to finally find out without having to resort to creepy measures. 

A single lamp is on in the bedroom, making the space warmer in tone. When Tsukishima takes his shirt off and moves to unbutton his jeans, Kuroo is still oblivious. It’s not out of the ordinary for people to sleep in only their boxers.

Tsukishima turns to Kuroo, surprised to see him still dressed. “Let me help you,” he says, tugging at the hem of Kuroo’s shirt and pulling it over his head. At the sight of Kuroo’s toned chest and abdomen, he pauses. “Someone is a consistent gym goer.”

Kuroo tenses when Tsukishima reaches for the zipper of his pants, and Tsukishima notices.

“Are you sure this is okay?” he asks patiently. “I understand if you’re not up for it.”

“Up for?”

“...sex.”

“Is that what we’re doing?” Kuroo blurts out. 

Tsukishima gives Kuroo a flat look. “What did you think we were about to do?” He gestures to himself, mainly at the grey briefs he’s currently wearing and how it’s the only thing he’s wearing.

Kuroo suspects he can’t tell Tsukishima what he’s been thinking this whole time. Instead, he decides to go with another route. “I’m sorry. I’ve never….” Admitting that out loud isn’t as easy as he thought it’d be. “This is new...for me.”

“You’ve never been with a guy?”

“I’ve never been with anyone…”

Tsukishima’s mouth drops open, then he immediately closes it, mirroring a fish out of water. “I…” He stops himself again. “Seriously?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“No, it’s...just that...” Tsukishima is blushing and fumbling over his words. “Sorry, if I sound like a total ass, but that’s really hard to believe cause you...nevermind that’s a dumb way of thinking.”

Kuroo isn’t sure what makes him grab Tsukishima’s arm gently. By this point, he gives up on trying to find reasons behind all the odd things he’s been doing lately.

“Tell me.”

“You look like that,” Tsukishima says gesturing to Kuroo’s shirtless form. “You look like you could have anyone you want. Hell, you look like you’ve had anyone you want...but it’s stupid to make assumptions based off looks.”

“You look that way too.”

“Huh? “

“You look like you could have anyone you want.”

Tsukishima’s blush deepens; if that’s possible. “Didn’t I just say it was stupid to make assumptions based off looks.” He sighs. “I’m sorry if I was being pushy earlier. We can just...I don’t know, maybe find something to watch on Netflix or something…”

 _Or something._ Kuroo prefers to take that route.

“Could we kiss some more?” he asks, already leaning in. 

They move their makeout session to the bed, Tsukishima straddling Kuroo’s hips, Kuroo exploring the span of Tsukishima’s back with this hands. Kuroo thinks this is good as it gets, but then his mouth is prodded and lavished by Tsukishima’s tongue and it should be gross. It isn’t. It’s the best damn thing he’s ever felt. At one point, Tsukishima seems to grow restless, his gentle movements becoming more frantic.

He rocks his hips, bringing their groins together and Kuroo practically jolts off the bed. He quickly recants his previous thought. No, this is hands down the best damn thing he’s ever felt.

“Are you okay?” Tsukishima asks, concerned.

“What was that?” Kuroo asks, eyes wide as if he’s been electrocuted, and that’s kinda what it felt like. If being electrocuted was a pleasurable experience; for some people it is. “Can you do that again?”

Tsukishima catches on. He kisses Kuroo at the same time his hips rock forward. This time when Kuroo gasps, Tsukishima deepens the kiss, making Kuroo writhe and moan.

“How far do you want to go?” asks Tsukishima, he lifts his head so he can see Kuroo better. “There’s no rush or anything. I just want to know what’s off limits.”

None of this is supposed to be happening. Kuroo is supposed to be staging Tsukishima's body by now, making the man’s murder look like a suicide or the work of a typical home invader. Instead, he’s in bed with Tsukishima, about to willingly hand over full reign of his mind and body, something he’s never allowed anyone outside of the organization to possess.

They’ve planted their rules and their beliefs inside his head. They’ve used his body as a weapon for so many years Kuroo can’t remember the face of his first target or the method he used to end their life. He was never given a choice, not really, until now.

“I want to go as far as you’re willing to take me,” Kuroo says, and it’s not rehearsed or stolen from a movie or a passing conversation like a majority of the things he says.

These words are his own.

Tsukishima must realize this in some way. He may not fully understand the gravity of the situation, but he can sense that this is a major step for Kuroo. Smiling, he kisses Kuroo on the lips, briefly and then eases down his body, placing gentle kisses and touches on his heated skin. His fingers ghost over an older scar on Kuroo’s side, right under his ribcage and he freezes. Stab wound. Two years old. Kuroo’s certain Tsukishima has noticed the other scars on him. Some from knives, others from bullets, there are even a few from burns. 

He waits for the question that never comes. Tsukishima continues the descent down his body, stopping at the waistband of his jeans to resume his earlier task.

It’s vulnerable allowing another person to strip him down, their hands on every inch of his body and their mouths claiming his. This part is the easiest for him, though. It’s easy for him to turn over full control of his body, he’s done it countless times. Except, this time, it’s with someone who doesn’t want to use him.

“I want you to feel good,” Tsukishima is telling him, he’s holding both of their cocks in his hands, working them slowly. “Let me know if it’s too much…”

Kuroo couldn’t form a coherent sentence if he tried. Remember when he said Tsukishima’s tongue in his mouth was the best damn thing ever? He was so wrong. So naive. His eyes are clenched shut, his head thrown back, and his mouth open wide. He’s very vocal. Something that surprises them both.

“You’re so fuckin’ sexy,” Tsukishima groans. “I really...I really want you to fuck me…”

Aren’t they doing that already? Kuroo thinks, blissed out and half-crazed. Does this mean there’s even more than this? There’s more than just sliding their cocks together, their mixed pre-cum serving as a lubricant, hot flesh on hot flesh, sweat and the heady scent of their exertion clouding the air. Kuroo isn’t sure he’ll be able to handle that. He always feels like any moment he’s going to explode and fade away. His orgasm hits him the moment the thought passes his mind and once again he’s un-fucking-prepared.

“Oh fuck,” he shouts. “Fuck...fuck…”

Tsukishima drops his head on Kuroo’s shoulder, his hand losing its rhythm thanks to Kuroo spilling all over the place and his own approaching orgasm building inside him. He bites down on Kuroo’s shoulder as he comes. They’re both breathing loudly and panting.

Suddenly, Tsukishima is chuckling. “Fuckity, fuck fuck,” he says, teasing Kuroo.

“I didn’t know what else to say. That was...fuck.” He laughs at his own choice of words.

Tsukishima kisses him on the forehead. “You’re so weird.” Glancing down at the mess between them, his nose wrinkles. “I’m gonna’ get a towel.”

All the energy Kuroo previously felt is literally zapped out of him, his eyes drooping low. His mind panics because he’s far too vulnerable to be letting his guard down right now. Sex is one thing, but falling asleep in an unfamiliar area isn’t smart. He tries to fight his sleep, but he fails. He’s been staying up late for two nights straight, reading and doing tedious things like watching volleyball clips to get an idea of how Tsukishima looks when he plays.

Foolishly, he thought he’d be en route to his next assignment by now, napping on the plane. Maybe, he could’ve gone another night without sleep, but his orgasm ended him.

Kuroo falls asleep before Tsukishima returns to bed with a warm, damp towel. 

* * *

For an infinitesimal moment, that tiny space between sleep and wakefulness, Kuroo is unaware of his surroundings. The weight beside him is deemed a threat, his first thought is to eliminate said threat. He reaches out with the intent to kill. Then he hears a quiet snore, and just like that he remembers everything.

He’s safe. 

It’s still dark outside, the lamp is no longer on, and he’s still naked. They both are. Kuroo can tell by the skin on skin contact he feels under the covers. From the sound of Tsukishima’s snores, he’s in a deep sleep, so deep that he won’t sense Kuroo watching him as intently as he is now. Tsukishima’s even more defenseless right now. It would be easy to pick up a pillow, put it over his face and press down until his struggles ended and his heart gave out. The imagery is enough to make Kuroo physically sick, and that’s how he knows he’ll never be able to complete this assignment.

He just can’t do it.

Is this what Achilles killed for? Is this what drove him to anger the gods and abandon his humanity? The frustrating book is starting to make sense now. Kuroo thinks he could kill for this, he thinks he could turn his back on his gods for a chance to hold onto to this for as long as he can.

TBC

**Author's Note:**

> Please, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading <3


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